My heart is aching right now.
I ache for my father's embrace, my father's laugh, my father's kisses, my father's smiles, my father's voice, my father's smell. Everything. I miss him so, so much it hurts.
Will it get better? Will I find my way out of this dark tunnel?
I have been asking friends who have experienced loss and all of them said that it's not going to be easy. One friend even opened up about her battle with depression for months and only feeling slightly better just recently.
To be honest, I am terrified of going to that depth of darkness and helplessness but sometimes, we can't help it. I know it's cliche to say this but we are only humans. People kept on saying be strong, stay strong but it's easier said than done. Every smile and every laugh seem so forced now but I need that to make me feel somewhat normal. I need that sense of normalcy.
Right now, I feel numb and I still feel like I'm stuck in this horrible dream. Everything seems to be blurry - I can't even remember meeting my friend a few days ago at McDonald's when she mentioned it earlier..
I hope time heals everything.
I miss you and I love you Ayah.